Divorced Parenting

Divorced Parents – Both Parents Are Heroes

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Image1I have touched on this topic on earlier posts, but I feel like it is worth repeating. When divorce happens it is absolutely no fun. There are a small number that are somewhat amicable, but for the most part there is a lot of anger between couples after a divorce. And guess who usually gets in the middle of it? Yep, the kids do. And it is so sad to hear what parents say to their children about the other parent. Trust me, I completely understand how someone can have that much anger toward their ex. And you know what, they probably deserve most of it. But do you know who doesn’t deserve it? Your kids don’t deserve it. What people forget to remember is that to your kids, both parents are heroes to them. They love them both the same. And they don’t understand why Mommy and Daddy aren’t together anymore. When your kids hear you talk bad about their mom or dad, they don’t understand that either. When you talk about the other parent in a bad way to your children, you are probably thinking that you might be pitting them against the other parent. But in reality, it can be the exact opposite. Your kids don’t understand why you would be talking that way about someone that they love just as much as you. Try to imagine what they must be thinking and how they are trying to process that. Actually, maybe you have experienced that when you were a child, and if that is the case try and remember how it made you feel. It had to confuse you. So when they hear you talk bad about the other parent, it can actually backfire on you and make the child have some negative feelings towards you. Remember, they have already been through enough. Now is the time to help them through what will be one of toughest times in their life. I’m not saying that you need to continually say nice things about the other parent, because most of the time that would just be flat out lying. But what you can do is stop talking bad about them, especially in front of your children. Believe me, your kids will feel much more comfortable talking to you about things as they grow up if they don’t hear all of the negative stuff. I know it is hard sometimes and I know maybe it is your ex who starts most of it. But you know what? Let them make the mistakes and you be the one that your children can count on. They need at least one of you to be their for them no matter what and if both of the parents are talking bad about each other they can feel completely lost. Remember, both of you are heroes to your kids and they look up to you for everything. Don’t let them hear that negative stuff that can influence them in a bad way. Be positive for them. You will definitely benefit from it in the future.

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